porn and sexual fantasy - Beyond Porn Addiction

Sexual Fantasy Development and Porn

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(Last Updated On: June 4, 2020)

Men’s use of pornography – and the criticisms of it – is often focused on mature men. These men are often married or in relationship, and when discovered using pornography, usually realise the need to make changes to keep the relationship. The psychological stability of their life can be a protective factor for them. they know what they really want, and that’s usually relationship over pornography. However, what of younger men who don’t have that stability? In particular, what is the relationship between porn and sexual fantasy development?

porn and sexual fantasy - Beyond Porn Addiction

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Porn and sexual fantasy development

In research by Galatzer-Levy (2012), it was discovered that pornography inhibits the development and the maturation of sexual fantasy. This is a surprising result; generally, we tend to think that pornography has the effect of increasing someone’s sexual fantasy life, but doing it in unrealistic way. However, the effect of porn on sexual fantasy development is more complicated and that, and can have both positive and negative effects.

On the negative side, progressive development and elaboration of sexual fantasy is a key way that we develop as adolescents.

 

The undeveloped sexual fantasy life

Further, when men don’t develop their fantasy lives, it leaves an existential hole. Our fantasy life is central to the psychological development of both men and women. It’s from our fantasy life that our aspirations and dreams of the future are born and sustained. Failing to develop a fantasy life can perhaps inhibit the development of a fantasy of a good life with the potential to leave us stuck, bored and feeling hopeless, unable to conceive of a better life.

It also has the effect of failing to help us develop a life where another person plays a meaningful part. Instead, our fantasy life – to the extent that develops – is focused on us and what we want.

 

When life falls short of fantasy

However, a fantasy life also brings its own difficulties. We compare ourselves to our fantasy life and our reality falls short; this leads to anxiety and conflicted meaning as identified by Galatzer-Levy. In some ways, failing to develop sexual fantasies or elaborating them can perhaps to an easier life, one where we are more reconciled to what we have, no matter how limited. However, I would argue that it leads to a less satisfying life.

We know we cannot enact all of our fantasies. Part of the broader maturation process for us is to realise that our ‘eyes are bigger than their stomach’; in other words, our fantasy is usually broader than our ability to make it real. This ends at one of the essential parts of maturation; that we need to live with the disappointment of reality.

 

Living with disappointing reality

Counselling and psychotherapy can help with accepting the inevitable constraints with which we live in. This includes having sexual fantasies, and still find a way of living a satisfying life. I offer counselling to individual porn users as well as counselling partners of porn users in Richmond and Sunbury. The initial consultation is at no charge.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Now read about care and maintenance of your fantasy life.

– Tim Hill

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Tim Hill

I do this work because I believe that with the right help and support, people change – I see it all the time. Whether you are battling something big or small, I believe that change is possible even when you don’t know how to change, when things seem hopeless or when the odds are stacked against you